People will see their ex classmates pregnant and say ahh!!! this girl was very quiet in school.
My brother, who said pregnancy comes with noise?😏😏😂
AFTER SEX.....
Boy: Thanks love I had a nice time...
Girl: Me too hun..... but why didn't you tell
me you had a "small" guitar?
Boy: It's because I didn't know I was going
to perform in a "community hall"😭
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Ever had sex with a stammerer?
You will think she's laughing not knowing she's trying to tell you 'harder'. You will hear 'hahaha' 😂SEX IS A WITCHCRAFT LETS NOT ARGUE😂😂
LADIES!
Ladies Please pin your pants. My husband has just explained to me how the wind blew our neighbors pant into our bedroom😟😟😟
What is the difference between 'Wife' and 'Girlfriend?'
Great thought in Modified version.
Wife is like a TV and Girlfriend is like a MOBILE.
At home you watch TV,
but when you go out you take your MOBILE.
Sometimes you enjoy TV, but most of the time, you play with your MOBILE.
TV is (as good as) free for life, but for the MOBILE, if you don't pay, the services will be terminated.
TV is big, bulky and most of the time old,
But the MOBILE is cute, slim, curvy, replaceable and portable.
Operational costs for TV is often acceptable
but for the MOBILE, it is often high and demanding.
TV has a remote
but MOBILE doesn't.
Most importantly, MOBILE is a two-way communication (you talk and listen), but with the TV, you MUST only listen (whether you want to or not)!😝
Last but not least!
Yet TVs are superior because TVs don't have viruses, but MOBILES often do😂
And mobiles can be easily hacked or stolen.
Take Care
Stick to TV only.
Issued in Public interest!
I LOVE YOU!
One day a woman wanted to know how the husband would react if she left without telling him where she had gone. So she decided to write him a letter saying she is tired of him and didn’t want to live with him anymore and after writing she put the letter on the table in the bedroom and then hid under the bed…When the husband came back home, saw the letter and read it, he replied on the same paper and then began to sing and dance changing his clothes. He got his phone, dialed someone then said: “Hey babe, am just changing clothes then will join you, as for the other fool it has finally dawned on her that I was fooling around with her and has left. I was wrong..really wrong to have married her, I wish I had known you earlier. See you soon honey!” The husband walked out of the room and left. In tears and very upset, the woman got up from under the bed and decided to go and read what the husband wrote on the letter. When she got the letter, it said: “I COULD see your feet under the bed, I didn’t make any phone call.. I am going to buy bread. Stand up, stop your silly games and prepare me a meal….
I LOVE YOU!
WAMLAMBEZ MANENOZ
One day a boy👦 was sitting next to a young lady👧 in a taxi🚖 that boy asked that lady if she can have sex with him . And that lady said no✋ he asked why💔 and she replied she is still a virgin and she wants to enter heaven😇🙏 while a virgin.. And she got off the taxi🚖 The boy was so sad😢 then the driver looked at the boy and said i heard your conversation with dat young lady, don't worry👧 Everynight she goes to the graveyard wearing black clothes and wat you must do to have sex with her is wearing white pyjamas and go to the graveyard tell dat lady u r an Angel 😇sent by God & you want to sleep with her.. The boy was so happy and he got off the taxi he bought white pyjamas.. Later dat night he saw dat young lady in black clothes going to the graveyard☗ he followed her and found her sitting next to a grave and said “I am an angel ,God sent me to have sex with u so u can enter heaven”😇🙏 the lady agreed but she said they must only have anus sex because she want to enter heaven while a virgin , the boy agreed and they had sex then after when they have finished the boy uncovered his face and said “ahaaa i am dat boy from the taxi look now I've had sex with u” .. And dat lady uncovered her face and said “ahaaa i am dat taxi driver, i am gay” 😱🥶🚶
Chesu kurisito kwishaaa......
Yeesss WAMLAMBEZ???
BOY CHILD BE LIKE....
DEM: Niaje beb
BOY: Poa Swiry, nambie
DEM: Aky I need a favour from u pliz
BOY: Which one hun?
DEM: Aki niko tao na nimeona troza kali inauzwa 2k, na imagin nilisahau doh home.
BOY: So nikusaidiaje mrembo?
DEM: Nilikua nataka unitumie izo doh nitakurefund nikifika home.
BOY: Fare ya kwenda home ni ngapi?
DEM: Ni mbao Swiry.
BOY: (Kidogokidogo , KL295T6MHEN Confirmed, You have received Ksh.60 from VICTOR MBUGUA , New Mpesa balance is 60.83.
DEM: Ghai! Hii ni ya nini?
BOY: Hio ni fare, toa 50bob, chukua mbao ukimbilie doh zenye ulisahau home, Mbao urudi tao ubuy troza, alafu hio kumi unaeza buy mtura ama miwa.
DEM: UMBWA HII, Usiwahi nitext...Mchawi wa south korea wewe.. Ooh My! Like seriously? LMAO!!!
BOY: Kwenda huko, Sura kama ya mugabe, Nyani wewe! Nilipe rent ama ninunue nguo! POTEREA BARI! NUGU!
wanaume siku izi hawataki upusi ,no weapon formed against our wallet shall prosper!!🙆♂🙆♂🙆♂🙆♂🙆♂🤣🤣🤣
FUN TIME
I saw 2 cockroaches having sex. i wanted to spray RAID and i thought twice again. Maybe he has been chasing her for years and she has been eating all his money without allowing him to get down there, i’m human i have a good heart so i let him enjoy….. but as i was about to go i had a second thought….. what if he was raping her? or wha if he was having sex with someone’s wife, I sprayed it.😂😂😂😂
ONYANGO'S TRAUMA
Girl; mum Onyango paid me to climb the coconut tree. Mum; He is so stupid, he wanted to see ur pantie. Girl;I knew it and am so clever, I removed my pantie before climbing.🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣, Btn the boy and the girl who was stupid??
CUTE LOVE STORY
A guy met a girl online and gradually began to chat with Her regularly and became good friends. After a few months they expressed their love for each other. They were happily in love for a few weeks until one day the girl stopped responding to the guys…
"A LOVE STORY ! ! !
A guy met a girl online and gradually began to chat with Her regularly and became good friends.
After a few months they expressed their love for each other.
They were happily in love for a few weeks until one day the girl stopped responding to the guys messages.
He waited for long .
Weeks passed and he still sat by his internet
awaiting for her message but nothing..
He was scared that something had happened to her.
His heart was Broken into Pieces but eventually he accepted the fact that their relationship was over.
He was heartbroken ..
He cried each and everyday.
When Sleeping he used to read her old love messages.
After a few years, he
had just started university.
All those years he stayed away from girls
because he couldn't stand the heartbreak but one girl took his fancy, A beautiful woman.
It was weird as he never even looked at girls before but there was something special about her.
So he approached her but was rejected instantly.
Boy: I'm sorry, if I offended you by saying I liked you.
Girl: It's not your fault .. It's just that I'm already in love with someone ..
Boy: Oh right, I'm sorry. You are already taken.
Girl: Actually no.. I fell in love with a boy three years ago, he was from here, but due to the circumstances I had to leave him, but now as an excuse to study I have come here in search of him..
Boy: Wow! Actually I've been through something similar!
Girl: Really? What was her name?
Boy: Alisha
(when he looked down at the girls book it was labelled 'Alisha').
They embraced each other and burst into tears!
Boy: Why did you leave me??
Girl: I met with a car accident, and was in the hospital paralyzed for a year ..
I only fully recovered 6 months ago.
Everyone thought I was going to die, but the thought of seeing you kept me alive.
When I got better, I planned to come and see you to surprise you, you told me you would only want to go to this university so I applied here too.
But i feared You are already taken by someone.
Boy: What God/Allah kept for me will always be Mine,
Thank God/Allah we are back together.
HOW SCHOOL BOYS USED TO WRITE LETTERS TO GIRLS, in the 90s
P. O. BOX 163
21ST JULY, 1985
Dear Sweet Natale,
Time and ability plus double capacity has forced my pen to dance automatically on this benedicted sheet of paper. I hope you're swimming in the wonderful pool of Mr. Health there. I am also parambulating in the cool breeze of wellness here.
Sweetie pie, the reason why this miraculous thing is happening is because, honey, I love you spontaneously, and as I stand horizontally parallel to the wall and vertically perpendicular to the ground now, I only think of you, since you are a fantastic and fabulous girl put together as fantabulous. I implore you to decipher this my anthem of love oozing out from the innermost pendulum of my thoraxial cavity.
Darling, please stop haranguing with the feelings in my heart because I love you more than a snake loves rat.
To me each day I start by dreaming of you. Each time I see you my metabolism suddenly halts and my peristalsis goes in reverse gear. My medula oblangata also ceases functioning.
Crazy, crazy, crazy you may say but this is verily veritable. If only you knew what is going on in my encephalon you would prostrate. That's why I need to see you vis a vis soon for a better elucidation through tete a tete. No hyperbole & onomatopoeia, simple candidness.
Only u and me are protagonists in this subtle affair. As I cogitate and ruminate over the last episode, I genuflex before the Omnipotent and implore him to let this affair emulsify.
By the way, I was bamboozled, scintilated, exhilarated, and left in a state of prolonged euphoria by the contents of your missive which was quite edifying and exhalting. It left my bio-chemistry in a paradise-like equilibrium.
Empirically speaking, I love u chemically... I don't ever want to see gloom and doom looming over your angelic live portrait. Let my appellation be scribbled across your heart, with indelible ink. If any boy tries to ask for your companionship, tell him that u are leased and caveated.
I think I have to pen off here, because I still haven't finished studying electrolysis polymerization. But before I evaporate, I like to revitalize your memory with those encapsulating lyrics which proclaim that catarrh is my butter, your piss is my mimbo, the world's greatest lover is me.
Catch you later. Sleep tight and don't let those bed bugs bite you because you are too sweet for them. Goodbye for now.
Your Slave In love, Your Pillow, Your cushion,
❣
Did any of You write/receive such?
WHAT WOULD YOU DO ?
A woman tells her husband that she is going to visit her sick mum in the village. She goes on Friday and returns on Sunday, with plenty of fruits and food stuff, saying they are from her mum to the husband and the children. Then, the husband gently asks her about her mother's health and how she was doing, to which she replies that she took her to the hospital in the village and she is recovering and getting better.
The wife adds that her mother insisted that she must re-visit the village in a few days, to spend at least a week with her.*
*"I'm worried about Mama" the wife crooned, with tears swelling in her eyes.
"She'll be fine, dear." Husband lovingly replied.*
The husband then politely asks her to take the items to the kitchen. As she enters, she meets her mother preparing food in the kitchen. Apparently, her mum came visiting since the Friday that she left home. You can imagine the plight of this woman. stuck, shocked, dazed and dumb founded at the kitchen door! *whether to go in and drop the item's from mama', or return to her husband in the living room!
How would you handle this case if u are the husband or what explanation will u give if u r d woman?*
Please your humble opinion is required. Lets see who fix it well.
😂😂😂😂
ME AND CHEMISTRY WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE
Chemistry was one hell of a subject...😂unaingia exam room unapata Q1 hujawai skia tangu form one..unaenda Q2...unapata inasema explain your answer in Q1 above...unaisha nguvu unasonga Q3....kumbe inasema discuss your answer in Q2...unaangalia wenye wako…
"Chemistry was one hell of a subject...😂unaingia exam room unapata Q1 hujawai skia tangu form one..unaenda Q2...unapata inasema explain your answer in Q1 above...unaisha nguvu unasonga Q3....kumbe inasema discuss your answer in Q2...unaangalia wenye wako around unaona hamwezi discuss nao coz index number yao ni mbaya afadhali yako😳😳... Unaenda Q4 wanauliza two types of bonds na zenye unajua ni eurobond na james bond pekee...unauma kalamu ✍🏻...Kidogo chopi anaendea extra paper unashindwa ni kurogwa ama nini..kabla huyo kuketi mwingine anasimama na kusema Q7 iko na shida na ni hio pekee uli culculate ukapata 0.076524.Unaamua kulalia meza na unaota kuna uncle yako ako jeshi ataku organaizia uingie afta chuo😴😴..unaamka ghafla unapokumbuka uncle wako ni wa Jeshi la wokovu."